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What are the right words to say to someone sexually assaulted? Here’s how.

Sexual assault is never an easy topic to talk about, especially if it’s with someone who directly experienced it. The victims already have difficulty speaking up because of fear, shame, and anxiety that no one will believe them – or worse, do more unimaginable things that add to the trauma.

Victims hardly find the courage to share their struggles; the wrong words may trigger deep-seated trauma. We should consider this fact when it comes to the ones we care about who have experienced sexual assault.

The suffering they have to endure internally and externally has to be carried for a lifetime. And worse, they would also have to live with the scars and the results of what happened to them. This similar situation can be found in the book Bertha’s Son by Joseph Waddy. It may depict a fictional circumstance, but the scenarios are identical.

What are the right things to say to a victim?

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is the largest organization in the United States with the advocacy of helping victims of sexual and domestic violence. If you’re close to the victim, you are essential on their road to recovery and healing.

However, choosing the right words to say might be challenging. Without further ago, here are the things you can speak to a victim of sexual abuse:

“I believe you. Thank you for telling me about this; it must have been hard.”

To some victims, these words mean a lot. Because people have shunned them away, they thought they were worthy of their trust, and they built walls around them for protection. Trust is a crucial factor you should never break if the victim chooses to give that to you because they may never do that again and choose unhealthy ways to cope with their trauma.

It is a privilege to have them trust you despite what happened to them, so acknowledge their bravery in opening up rather than shutting themselves out. Victims need reassurance that you believe their story and that you will understand their situation.

“None of it is your fault. You did not deserve what happened to you.”

Self-blame is a typical reaction for all victims of sexual abuse. Their self-esteem is at its lowest point, so they feel unworthy of love and affection. It’s not easy to shift the mindset that they don’t deserve what happened to them, nor to make the perpetrator take accountability. However, it would help if you reminded the survivor that they are never at fault and that they are not to blame for what happened to them.

“You are never alone in this. I care for you and listen to what you need.”

Survivors need to know that you are there for them. People who experience sexual assault feel like no one will listen to them because they are not believable to some extent. They fear judgment and wrongful assumptions coming at them if they choose to open up to someone.

It’s an excellent practice to reassure them they’re not alone. Often, they need someone other than someone who will give them advice. More often than not, victims just need someone who will sit with them in silence and provide comfort with their company.

How to continually support the survivors

Recovery from sexual violence doesn’t have a specific timeline. The healing process will never be non-linear, so it’s crucial to understand that before approaching the victims. When they choose to open up to you about what happened, the fact is that they trust you enough to know about their horrific experiences.

Saying the right words to a victim of sexual violence doesn’t stop there. Take a look at the following things you can do to support survivors continually:

Never judge them. For what they went through, they should be empathized with instead of judged for something that’s out of their control. And just because some survivors don’t react violently as typically perceived doesn’t mean their trauma pain is less valid.

Allow them to heal. Sexual assault survivors struggle with the long-term after-effects, and no one knows when they will recover. Therapy is crucial in their healing, but it depends on some cases. Some victims must do this for a lifetime, to the point of giving up.

Utilize the best resources. Even though you’re a solid supporter, you are not the best fit for managing their mental health. But as one of their support systems, here are ways you can aid them in seeking the best help possible for their trauma and distress. A sexual assault care provider, a mental health support line, and a good amount of encouragement towards self-care will help them get back on their feet.