“I want to go home.” What to say to a person with dementia in care.
It is not rare for an individual with dementia in residential care to say that they want to go home instead. Time-shifting may bring this up and can be bothersome for everyone.
Here are a few considerations on what to say to a person who wants to go home in this situation.
Five things to remember when a person with dementia is asking to go home
1. Avoid disputing about whether they are already “home.” For an individual with dementia, “home” may define something more than their current place. Often when an individual with dementia asks to go home, it is aligned with the sense of home rather than the home itself. “Home” may represent memories of a place or time that was secure and comfortable and where they felt happier and relaxed. It could also be a mysterious place that may not physically exist. It is best to try to rationalize with them about wanting to go home or not disagree with that someone. Remember, if they do not recognize their environment as “home” at that distinct moment, then for that moment, it is not home.
2. Reassure them of their safety. Going home is the same desire anyone would have if they found themselves in a strange and unreasonable place. Reassure the person verbally, possibly with arm touches or hand-holding, if appropriate. Let that person know that they are safe. It may provide reassurance that the person is still cared about. They may live somewhere than usual from where they lived prior and need to know they are cared for.
3. Try diverting the conversation. Keep a photograph album handy. Sometimes looking at images from their past and being given a chance to reminisce will ease feelings of anxiety. Avoid asking questions about the image or the history. Alternatively, you could divert them with music, food, or other activities, such as a walk.
4. Establish whether they are feeling lonely or unhappy or not. Individuals with dementia may want to “go home” because of insecurity, anxiety, fear, or depression. Is the person with dementia unhappy or happy now? If they are down, it may be possible to identify why if they cannot tell you why. It can be that a staff member or another resident knows the reason. Like others, someone with dementia may act out of disposition toward the person closest to them due to a bad mood or day. Does the individual with dementia keep talking about going home when family members are not visiting them in the care home? Do they have settled otherwise? The staff in the home may know.
5. Keep a log of when someone with dementia is asking to go home. A lot of times in the day might be worse than others. What appears to be the typical denominator of these times? Is it near meal times (does a snack help? Is it when the environment is noisier than usual? Is it in the morning or later and possibly due to “sundowning”? If you see a specific pattern, you can take action to avoid or lessen some of the triggers.
A book by Jack Weaver entitled, Going… Going…: The Abduction of a Mind is a good encouragement for those caring for a person with dementia. It is a journal of a couple’s fifteen-year journey along the trail of Alzheimer’s. Every excursion into the unknown of this disease is unique, and author Jack Weaver shares an account that will be different from any other you read. If you allow Jack and Janey to become your guides, they will lead you through swamps of despair, sunny valleys of hope, and mountains of happiness; you will halt at vistas of relief and grief, and you will laugh and cry together. Jack and Janey battle Alzheimer’s disease-and faith bear their fears. Going … Going … is about Janey’s dementia, their hope, and how they cope. It is all here: their lives, love, and lies.
Though Alzheimer’s or dementia is more than just losing memories, Jack and Janey will be the first couple to remind you that it does not have to mean losing your “home.” Losing love.
To Sam It All Up 